In a couple days, school will start. I'll start my last year living at home, being a high school student in this tiny town, being a part of the community that has taught me Jesus for nine years now. Now's the time I see pictures on Facebook of loaded minivans and familiar faces waving goodbye and beginning a new exciting chapter. Now's the time I realize this is it. This is the year I've been imagining for who knows how long. And I'm closer to who I thought I would be ten years ago, but I'm still scared. Maybe more so than before. I'm weeding through years of insecurity and fear of failure and slightly surprised at what falls out of the closet. And I realize I'm a leader now. I can't hide in the crowd any longer. I'm the first thing the freshmen see come Tuesday in all my glory, and hoping they don't see the junk, but also knowing that they need to. They need to know I'm real and no different than them. I wonder how this year will change things. Wondering if my close knit church family will continue to be as close as ever, if I'll be able to support the underclassmen and still manage my own life as well. Wondering if I can really do all this. Leading FCA, mentoring freshmen, reaching out more than ever. Pouring out my life story and love and my own brand of wisdom to those looking up to me. It's scary stuff, but I couldn't be more excited. I know my God is more powerful, more loving and more tender than I know, and the struggle is to trust. That somehow, all this will make sense someday, This year I'll finally live life to the full. With all this waiting and wondering and some anxiety and conquering leftover fear, I go into school year 2012-2013 with a victory song on my lips.
Still wondering why I'm here
Still wrestling with my fear, but oh!
He's up to something
And the farther on I go,
I've seen enough to know that
I'm not here for nothing.
He's up to something
Linked up to Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday :)
Still wondering why I'm here
Still wrestling with my fear, but oh!
He's up to something
And the farther on I go,
I've seen enough to know that
I'm not here for nothing.
He's up to something
Linked up to Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday :)
Emilie here from over at Lisa-Jo's
ReplyDeleteLove you're post. You sound wise beyond your years.
I pray this year is all you hope it to be and more.It's great to see you embracing the change.
In all your busyness don't forget to stop and ejoy each moment as it come.
Alyssa Joy, lovely post. How awesome that you are able to write about the season of life you are in. What a blessing you will be to the freshman and other students in your school. I hope you have a wonderful year!
ReplyDeleteReally good post.
ReplyDeleteThis totally sounds like the thoughts in my head! I prayed for you this morning, that God would show himself powerful in your weakness. May your beautiful, humble spirit will be his vessel this year!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. God will equip you with everything you need in the journey he has laid out for you, and He will be with you every step of the way. (Psalm 32:8) Just take one day at a time. Your senior year is an incredible opportunity to stand up and be bold. Defend those who are bullied. Walk with those who are lonely. I often reflect back on my senior year (ten years ago) and am so thankful that I made a conscious decision to make the most of my last year of high school. Stay in the word and you will remain rock solid in Him. Blessings to you in your journey!
ReplyDelete