Five Minute Friday; Catch...Or Not

It's Friday again. Time again for another writing binge whcih is very slowly growing on me, especially yesterday when Natalie Lloyd commented on my blog post. This is incredible beyond words, seeing as I've read her blog and been inspired since sixth grade, when I began reading Brio. So that pretty much made my week :)

Conversation sometimes feels like freshman gym. I try to focus and listen and empathize in the right way, but so often, it just falls flat. I misinterpret what they were trying to to say or I think I have the ball...and drop it. Sports are not exactly my thing. Sometimes I don't think relationships are either. Yesterday I had a conversation with one of my good friends who was talking about some people who were annoying the living daylights out of her. I tend to be kinda preachy with this particular friend. I don't know why, but I've known her for three years now and given her at least ten 'sermons' within that time span. Of course, she snapped at me saying she really didn't need any 'God preach'. I swear, every time I've tried to mention God to this girl---or anyone for that matter---that conversation gets that much more awkward and tense and unpleasant to be a part of and someone usually changes the subject. There used to be two girls who I used to take to youth group back in seventh and eightth grade, and I was always so convinced that this time would change them, that this time would melt their hearts to Christ and send them in the right direction. It never happened. I'm a junior in high school now and these girls are still sitting on my heart and squeezing the life out of my prayer life, along with the people I've met since then. I try to give them to Jesus and I try to pray but then I'm at a standstill. I don't even see these girls anymore, so how do I pray for them? And what if I don't see an answer? And this issue only seems to grow as the years go by---what the heck is God up to up there?

That's another area I 'drop the ball' is loving God. Praying, being interested in what he has to say to me, loving his people. Sometimes, all I want to do is smack His people upside the head and tell them to either shut up or... just shut up. I veer away from having hard conversations because I'm afraid of being unliked, unaccepted, seen as an idiot or overly simplistic. I know what to do but don't do it. I know that I'm not supposed to snap at my parents, my siblings, my friends, but I do anyway. I know I'm not supposed to be jealous when someone else gets attention I want or has the faith or the prayer life I wish I had, but I do anyway. I'm human. I'm an impostor. I like to blend in because I'm afraid of being looked down on. I was reading another Brennan Manning book last night. One of the chapters was called The Impostor, and it was about how the part of us that wants people to notice us, the part that blends in to please everyone, isn't real because he's not known by God and that's a dangerous place to be. Away from the love that surpasses everything, away from the eternal life that's ours in Christ, away from the promises we know will never fade or go away--all gone because we don't trust God to be enough. Just because we can't see him doesn't mean that the people we do see overpower him. No matter how many people I make mad, or offend, or step on because I'm trying to do His will, he's not shaken. He's not just going to leave because I can't figure out how to talk about him. There's a song that danced through my head today by Tenth Avenue North, encouraging me to just relax, because he's got this.  

And here's another one I really like