Five Minute Friday: Peter Pan, Growing Up and Bunny Trails

In some ways, I'll never grow up. In my mind, I'll always be eight years old with awkward baby fat, baby fine hair and ridiculously thick glasses. No matter how much weight I've lost and some sense of style I've gained since then, that's just how I see myself. I'm still the little girl who's afraid of being left behind or forgotten or abandoned, who worries about every little thing and who just wants to be liked despite that stubborn pudgy belly that refuses to be left behind.
Because I remember what it was like to be eight years old,  I still laugh at myself, maybe even more so now that I'm older. I still hurt for people I see hurting and take those who look out of place under my wing--because I've been there.  I still cry at things I think are sad, and I still burst into tears whenever the slightest thing is wrong. It's still impossible for me to hide things from my parents, especially when I've done something wrong. At the same time, I'm learing God really is up to something and with Immanuel in charge, who knows what is going to happen

One of the most incredible ways God has grown me is in trusting other people. Everyone at Knox says this same thing, but Turning Point youth group  truly changed my life. These people taught me how to open up and realize that I'm not the only one who struggles with belonging and self image and handling worry, that I've never been alone. People like Pat and Kayla and Elisha and Rachel and Nicole and Kathryn and Abby and Emily and Grace and Sarah and Courtney and Clara and Wendy and Julia and Hannah and so, so ,so many more truly change the world and I swear, every time we're together, the devil cringes just a little bit more.

And then, of course, there's Jesus, who at age four I just associated with a cross and salvation but as I grew up and heard people speak and read books and had conversations, seems to jump off the page. Not to say there's not days where I get out of bed and just hate the world or lie awake at night worrying about this or that, like a stupid argument with a good friend that's bothering me right this very minute, but I'm learning that there is always hope. That no mountain is too high or no ocean's too wide for Immanuel's love to find me or the people I love. This guy is God in the flesh and is unlike anything we could ever have imagined about Him.

I want to end with this quote that really has nothing to do with any of this, but that I'm in love with and that has sunk its claws into me. I found it in a wonderful little book I read recently called Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, about how we get caught up in lists of how tos and self improvements, and self growth and suddenly a voice, in whatever form surrounds us, saying,

"'You are accepted. You are accepted by that which is greater then you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for it now: perhaps you will find it later Do not try to accomplish anything now: perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, do not intend anything, Simply accept the fact that you are accepted.' When we do that, we experience grace."

This post (actually this blog) is entirely indebted to the Gypsy Mama's amazing blog, and her idea for a Five Minute Friday in which you write for five minutes---or more---about a given word---or not---and don't worry about how it sounds. It's all about putting yourself on the page and not worrying about meatness or how much it makes sense...because let's admit it, today's post was bunny trailing all over the place. Link back to  http://thegypsymama.com/ and see what everyone else wrote and love on complete strangers :P